Day 2 – My Climb Out of Depression

Day 2 – april 27, 2013

Yesterday I admitted to being deeply depressed and I listed the following seven “problems” that are currently hold me in a depressive mood.

  1. No money
  2. No energy
  3. Lack of sobriety / recovery from my addiction
  4. Loss of social connections
  5. Loss of hope
  6. Loss of enthusiasm
  7. Loss of faith in anything “eternal” that is leading me closer to nihilism

Someone (okay it was me!) suggested that what was needed was MOTION!  I agreed with him (me!) and then spent the rest of the day fussing with FACEBOOK, reading a bit, and chastising myself for not moving.  Oh boy!

I’m committed to a 90 day program to lifting myself from this state.  If I’m successful, this blog will record my exodus from hell, if I’m not then I guess this trail of entries will serve as my final “note.”  (I’m hoping for the former… today! Tomorrow I may be ready to abandon the whole enterprise…. It’s happened before.  The stakes are higher this time.)

To be sure, I need some structure, some overlying artifice on which to hang my recovery (pardon the Freudian word-choice slip there!).  I need motion, energy, some hope.  The things that can (and have in the past) work to lift me to a more energetic place.

  1. Exercise
  2. Meditation
  3. Creating
  4. Learning

I need to commit to at least three of these four activities everyday.

I’m also working through “A Mindful Way though Depression” which I know the authors do not recommend for someone in the midst of a depressive episode, I feel like I have no other option at present.  (The shame of asking for anything today, when it’s been so long since I’ve done anything for myself is something I will have to address before day 87…)

That and finding a damned job!  Seriously out of money here!




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