April 29, 2012
Oops! Clearly this is NOT working! I felt worse than ever yesterday! Why can’t I ask for help? Why must I endlessly spin my wheels?
Felt highly anxious and depressed all day. Went for a walk with my sister and a friend of her’s and despite it being a beautiful day, all I felt were shame, anxiety and fearfulness.
My plans to ruminate less are clearly not working. I gotta move. This blog idea might prove to be my undoing.
Today I will move …. somehow … not feeling it right now but maybe a trip to the gym will help lift my mood enough to resume job search this afternoon.
In at least two different dreams last night I mentioned to others I was “suicidal.” Posting to a blog no one will ever read… I’m tossing bottled messages into an ocean and what? Hoping someone will save me? Sheesh.