Day 5 – My Climb Out of Depression

April 30, 2013

Better or worse?  Who can tell.  I confessed (partially) to B about how bad I’m feeling.

Yesterday, I returned to the gym for another hour plus of cardio exercise.  I sat with Lou (virtually at 9) for 20 minutes last night.  Before that I again listened to the guided meditation body scan; it is helpful – I need to do this thing everyday.

This morning I visited a “cash-only” doctor.  Sitting in the sparsely and sadly decorated waiting room I felt a deep longing for the abundant sense of affluence omnipresent in Plano and Dallas.  This place feels like a 3rd world country by comparison.  This doctor accepts no insurance, no checks, no medicare / medicaid and I find myself wondering how far from the bottom of his class he graduated.  It’s a mean thought to be sure.  Still he is running the office singlehandedly as his reception has not shown up for work and the experience made me queasy.  Fortunately his demeanor is warm and sincere and he seems competent and knowledgeable.  He makes and maintains eye-contact (frequently doctor’s are in such a rush they don’t even manage this feat) and seems to be a caring sort of fellow.  I accept my prescriptions with a promise to return in 3 weeks.  I either will or I won’t.

Today?  I don’t know.  Gotta keep moving.  Exercise. Meditate.  Reach out.  Something.  Feeling very bad still.  My brain chemistry is surely a mess – I hope the medications help and quickly.

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